Focus FlowWhy People with ADHD and Autism Struggle to Manage Emotions — and What Memory and Mental Flexibility Have to Do with It
Two Processes That Should Work Together
Imagine your brain is an orchestra. There are musicians playing the melody (those are your emotions), and there's a conductor coordinating everything (those are your executive functions). Executive functions include three main brain "superpowers":
- Working memory — the ability to hold several things in mind simultaneously, like a juggler tossing balls
- Inhibitory control — the ability to hit an internal "pause" before doing or saying something
- Cognitive flexibility — the ability to switch between tasks and adapt to new situations
When the "conductor" performs poorly — the musicians play out of tune. This, it seems, is exactly what happens with ADHD and autism: thinking problems drag emotional problems along with them. But how strong is this connection? A team of Spanish researchers decided to find out by analyzing 22 scientific papers on the topic.
ADHD: When the Brakes Don't Work, Emotions Fly Without Control
Of 16 studies focused on ADHD, ten showed a clear link: the worse executive functions work, the harder it is for someone to manage their emotions. This applies to both children and adults.
What does this mean in practice? A child with ADHD who has weak working memory may simply "forget" the calming strategies they were taught. When the brain can't hold the thought "I'm angry right now, but I should take a deep breath" — the emotion wins before the person can do anything about it.
And if the problem is with inhibitory control — the person reacts instantly, without a filter. An offensive word flies out before the brain has time to assess the situation. This isn't "bad character" — it's a neurobiological trait.
An interesting nuance: when children with ADHD were given memory tasks while emotional images appeared on screen — they found it significantly harder to focus than children without ADHD. Emotions literally "stole" their attention. And when memory load increased, children with ADHD more often began criticizing themselves — meaning the difficult task wasn't just hard, it also triggered negative emotions.
Autism: Not So Clear-Cut
With autism, the picture is more complex. Of four studies, two found a link between thinking and emotions, and two did not. Why such discrepancy?
It turned out that everything depends on how these abilities were measured. When parents or therapists assessed the child's behavior in real life — the connection between thinking and emotional problems was obvious. But when children were tested in a laboratory using specialized tasks — the connection disappeared.
It's like the difference between an exam in a quiet room and a real workday with deadlines, phone calls, and surprises. In controlled conditions, the brain mobilizes and shows better results. But in the chaos of everyday life — problems become apparent.
Another reason is participant age. Three of four studies examined preschoolers, in whom both executive functions and emotional regulation are still developing. At that age, it's hard to see a clear connection between processes that haven't yet "matured."
When Autism and ADHD Coexist
Until recently, clinicians couldn't give both diagnoses simultaneously — the rules simply didn't allow it. This changed only in 2013. That's why research at the intersection of these two conditions is scarce — just two studies.
But even from these two papers, it appears that cognitive flexibility — the ability to switch and adapt — plays a key role. People who struggle to "shift gears" in their head have more problems managing emotions. And this makes sense: if you're "stuck" on one thought or feeling, escaping an emotional spiral becomes much harder.
Why This Matters for All of Us
These findings aren't just abstract science. They have very practical implications.
For parents: when a child with ADHD throws a tantrum — it's not a tantrum or bad parenting. Their brain literally doesn't have enough resources to simultaneously process an emotion and restrain a reaction. Instead of punishment, it may be more effective to train executive functions — and the emotions will follow.
For professionals: treating "attention problems" and "emotional problems" separately is like treating symptoms while ignoring their shared root. A more effective approach is working with both processes simultaneously.
For adults with ADHD or autism: understanding that your emotional difficulties have a neurobiological basis is the first step toward stopping self-blame. You're not "weak" and not "undisciplined." Your brain simply works differently — and the right tools can be found for that.
What's Next?
Science is still at the beginning of this journey. There's a particular shortage of research on people who have both autism and ADHD — and there are quite a few of them. Long-term observations are also needed: do childhood thinking problems truly predict emotional difficulties in adulthood? If so, this opens a window of opportunity for early intervention.
One thing is already clear: emotions and thinking aren't two separate worlds. They're intertwined like threads in a single ball. And to help someone learn to manage their feelings, sometimes you need to start by training entirely different skills — attention, memory, and flexibility.